Playful Pups

Summers in inland Southern California are waaarrrrmmm. And by warm, I mean blazing hot. And dry.

Normally we keep the pups down on the dog run during the day when we're at work--it's constantly shaded, cooler and we have a little dog-shanty for them there to help beat the heat.

Those boys love to play, though. Even during the brutal heat of summer, they are ready for a game of fetch! I, however, am a different story.

I try to humor them a little bit, all the while making sure they don't get overheated.

They love to play fetch with their "fwibbie". Side note: that is a name my husband calls their frisbee. My husband is not one for baby-talk, except when he's around Ed. Then he's all mushy. I would advise not bringing this up much as he will 1) deny, deny, deny and 2) give you "the look".

We also purchased a $10 kidde-pool so the boys could play a bit in the water while we are supervising them.

Yes, that is a layer of dirt on the bottom--don't judge.

Ralphie loves the water, but Ed...well, not so much.

Ed gingerly tries to retrieve the fwibbe from the evil water.

Ralph really gets in there...

I hope you all are enjoying your summer and beating the heat!

How does your garden grow?

Spring arrived in early March to Escondido. I'd saved up a few photos to post here for when the time was right.

I suppose now is as good a time as any...

I like photographing nature more than people. Perhaps it's because I feel like I'm more likely to capture the depth of a leaf in a photo, while it's incredibly hard to represent a person (or even a part of a person) in a single photograph.

Plus, Nature rarely has a bad hair day...

Watering: an absolute necessity in the barren, arid climate of Escondido.

A few things I learned in grad school...

Note: It's taken me several months to write this post. I started in February, and obviously I needed to do some processing before writing things down here. This isn't meant to be a sob story, and I certainly don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. These are just a few (big) things I've learned over the past few years and how they've changed me for the better.

In the weeds

I've had a few months to process the last couple of years of my life. A few months is not nearly enough time to really understand what changed in me (my personality, my emotional well-being, etc.) and what I did in reaction to what my life was during grad school. A few months is enough time to see the major themes that developed over the course of four and a half years.

Vasculature

1. Failure in life is inevitable. Most grad students in the chemical and biological sciences know this truth intimately. I failed all. the. time. Everyday, probably. Multiple times a day. This experiment wouldn't work (for the millionth time), so I would try for the 1,000,001th time with a tiny variation to one parameter. Graduate school taught me to be comfortable in failure, to harness my frustration and to know when tenacity alone isn't going to make the experiment work. Failure is no longer terrifying to me. I certainly try my hardest for those things that matter most in life, but I know if (when) I fail at those things, life doesn't end. Not fearing failure means I'm quite courageous when trying to do new things (both inside and outside of science). Now, that doesn't mean I just throw caution to the wind (I'm still a very analytical person), but I don't get hung up on things because I'm afraid they won't work when I try to do them the first time.

2. I can survive any nasty comment you throw at me--blatant or subversive. "Stick and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me..." I'd like to throttle the idiot who said that, and the people who decided to teach it to us while we were children. Words hurt. As an adult, words are your weapons. If one feels like someone is threatening him or her, words will be slung around like a machete--damn the long term consequences, because this person needs to feel better NOW. In the beginning (and the middle, and even towards the end...) of grad school cutting comments were a really big problem for me. In the beginning, when I was with my entering class, I noticed how mean some of the students could be, especially if they felt like their intelligence was being challenged. The reality is, most of us were the best-of-the-best as undergrads, and many felt like it was their duty to let everyone else know just how smart (and how much better) they were compared to everyone else.

For me, that nonsense gets old very quickly. That posturing becomes especially ridiculous when you perceive it coming from your superiors, which I did. I'd like to think I'm pretty unassuming intellectually (I tend to let people talk and think I agree with them, when in reality I think they're totally incorrect), so I was particularly saddened and frustrated when I felt like my intelligence and ability were constantly under attack.

In the end, I think I've developed some thicker skin, and I'm far less likely to let someone mortally wound me with their personal opinions. Also, I've realized I can stare down the best of them. Sometimes looks are more withering than words, and are effective weaponry when used in the proper context.

Weeds in bloom.

3. Depression is tangible and horrific at its best. I think many of us feel blue from time-to-time, and carelessly say "Oh, I'm depressed today." Depression is absolutely on a sliding scale, and one person's observation of depression may vary greatly from others' observations. I thought I knew depression back when I was growing up--feeling reclusive and down about the way I looked/presented myself. I'm here to tell that middle school/high school-Lisa that she was just fine back then, and feeling that kind of angst is akin to emotional growing pains.

Intangibly, depression was a wispy darkness that engulfed me, holding me hostage for a ransom that I can't begin to understand. It started out as a speck of black at the very center of me, and it manifested itself slowly, over time, creeping and seeping out into me with every unjust criticism and inexplicable failure. At one moment, it was too much to bear. The blackness vastly outweighed my light, and I broke. Tangibly, depression took away my eating, sleeping and ability to focus--3 main early warning signs I now pay attention to if I'm worried about spiraling downward again.

Truthfully, in the thick of it, I thought I was permanently damaged. I was so afraid for my husband and my family--what a burden I was going to be! But...I survived this depression.  Through the intensive care of doctors and a gifted therapist, I was able to control the depression (mostly through medication), face it (mostly through talking with my therapist, family, and friends) and finish my doctorate. The damage wasn't permanent (both my psychiatrist and my therapist had a hunch that this was the case), though there are emotional scars here and there to remind me of the battle.

How did this change me? The real question is 'how did it NOT change me?'. The biggest change is my newfound ability to freely show compassion. My heart breaks for those with mental illness now, because I've walked in their shoes. My heart breaks for graduate students (and those with incredibly demanding jobs), because I know exactly how hard the gauntlet is to run. Surviving this depression forced me to be introspective, and to find out exactly what kind of substance I'm made of. Thankfully, I had an outstanding support system to get me through this battle, but I know that I have a lot of fight in me. While I don't think I could have made it through grad school all on my own, I know that my tenacity and perseverance were substantially influential in initially seeking out help, and also getting through this depression. I am powerful when I am determined.

Like I said in the beginning of this incredibly long-winded post, I'm not looking for pity. I'm good (maybe even great!) now that I'm in a new environment. I know what to look out for now in a professional environment, and I'm taking the lessons I've learned in grad school and moving forward. Drudging up the sad/terrible past is not productive (perhaps this is why it took me so long to write this entire post--I kept feeling awful and had to stop writing), which is why I'm so looking forward to what the future is going to bring.

Here's to these three lessons. May their positive outcomes help shape my life.

Guatemala, Days 3 and 4

The final two days we were in Antigua were a complete whirlwind. Saturday was the day of the wedding, which kicked off with a ladies brunch for the women family members of the bride and groom and the bridesmaids. The brunch, and the room where we got ready in were all at the Hotel El Camino Real--a place I sure wouldn't mind staying if we ever travel back to Antigua.

At the brunch all of the bridesmaids wore traditional Guatemalan shirts called huipils. Each one was a different color and pattern, which represented a different region of Guatemala. 

Brittni had zippers put in the back so that we could wear the huipils while we were getting our hair and makeup ready and prevent smudges from pulling a shirt over our heads. 

With the lovely bride!

That's my girl :)...

Meanwhile, while the girls were spending time with B-bear and getting ready, Tony and a few of the other guys went on a walking tour of Antigua.

The tour started off in the Parque Central (apparently this is where the governor of Antigua lives?).

Volcan de Fuego? Agua? Sigh.

Sand sacrifice. These sand murals were also along the aisles of Brittni and Nick's wedding.

Ruins from an earthquake in the late 1800s

Entrance down into the catacombs.

This guy :). We chatted a bunch at the wedding reception--he came to the conclusion that Tony belongs in the South. He's probably right :).

Hermano Pedro's Hospital

Beautiful tiles in an old awning 

Another volcano--I think these might be Acatenango and Fuego, but I really have no clue...

And here we have this guy!! This isn't Tony (look closely), though they do have similar facial hair color :). This guy was quite the dancer at the reception....

Macaws in the courtyard of a fancy hotel

An old Mayan market in Antigua

The church where the ceremony for Brittni and Nick's wedding was held: Convento de las Capuchinas

After all the bridesmaids and groomsmen walked down the aisle, the doors closed and the music changed. The church was lit with hundreds of candles, and everyone seated turned around in anticipation of seeing the beautiful bride. The doors (which are probably 15-20 feet tall) dramatically opened, and Brittni was escorted by her father down the aisle. Most of the bridesmaids (well, I can really only speak about those who were on either side of me) began to cry. I certainly wasn't able to hold back the emotion. Her entrance was such a powerful image,  I don't think I'll ever forget that moment.

The vows were said, communion was taken, a worship song was sung (in both English and Spanish!), and then, the covenant was sealed with a kiss. 

The reception was also a blast--there was a great dinner, a flash mob dance to Hall and Oates "You Make My Dreams Come True" (Tony was a critical part in it--so proud of him!), salsa dancing and general merriment.

With Suzi, a friend and fellow Trinity alum. We had on a LOT of makeup y'all. Where are my freckles? Also, you can totally tell I had been crying. Super :).

This photo and the one above it were taken directly from Suzi's blog--check out her full post for her Guatemalan experience!

With the beautiful bride!

After many laughs and tears at the reception (y'all should ask me about the soup incident if you have the chance...funny in retrospect, not as funny when I was all worked up and emotional about the wedding ;)...), we headed home for the evening to pack our treasures (COFFEE!) and belongings and get ready for the last day of our trip.

Sunday morning Nick's granny hosted a farewell brunch that was a delicious, traditional Guatemalan breakfast of eggs (an omelet), black beans, cheese, salsa and fruit. The view from the patio where we ate was magnificent.

A view of 2 volcanoes. Fuego is on the left, and it was chugging out smoke all morning (and throughout most of our trip). See the smoke?!? Awesome.

Sweet Julie. We nearly died in a Tuk Tuk together :)...

Sunday was a hard day for me. I had to say goodbye to Brittni not knowing when I would see her next. Oof, just typing that put a lump in my throat. Being an adult is hard. I'm sure that we'll continue to walk through life together (albeit long distance, at least for now), but it's still hard not having a set date to look forward to seeing each other again.

Going to Guatemala was such a fantastic and memorable trip. I was so delighted to see Brittni walk down the aisle and to meet Nick in person. Here's to many, many years of marital bliss for the newlyweds!

Guatemala, Day 2

Day 2 of our Guatemala trip found me and Tony parting ways. He went on a day-long excursion to the Iximche ruins, while I spent the day with the rest of the bridesmaids getting pampered. I didn't take any photos that day, but Tony did! (Be thankful I didn't take photos, because most of them from the morning spa-portion would look like photo #11 in the last post. Lots of bonding happened, that's for sure!)

I can't take credit for the composition of these photos, which I think is absolutely outstanding. Tony is naturally talented in many things (fixing any machine of any kind that breaks, heavy (and not-so-heavy) lifting, etc.), but I wouldn't have guessed that photography is a natural talent of his. All that to say, I think these photos are spectacular and he did a wonderful job!

On the way to the ruins:

These colorfully decorated buses would travel from Guatemala City (and probably other parts of Guatemala) to Antigua. Guys would hang out the door yelling "GUATE, GUATE, GUATE!!!" This is what Tony and I so inappropriately called "chicken buses". I bet you can guess why...

The Iximche Ruins:

A ball court

A sacrificial altar.

A moat surrounding the ruined temple

Shamans performed a ceremony for the tourists...

A beautiful Sacrifice.

After the ruins, the tour guide took Tony and the other guests to one of the oldest (if not the oldest) church in Guatemala. Tony said the church was established in the mid-1500s, and has not succumbed to any of the numerous natural disasters (earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, etc.) that plaque the area. 

Later that evening we all got together after the wedding rehearsal for a wonderful rehearsal dinner at the Welten. After a great meal and many heartfelt speeches, we were all escorted out to the street for a special fireworks show.

I was able to spend time with a friend from Trinity and fellow bridesmaid, Suzi. I was so happy to hang out with her! You can hear about her experience in Guatemala here! 

This, my friends, was the fireworks show. El Torito Loco. This man basically wrapped a towel around his shoulders and shot BIG ASS fireworks off of his back. Not just dinky roman candles...like big "BOOM in the sky" fireworks. OFF HIS BACK, y'all!?!?! It was a pretty scary thing to watch, but quite memorable :). There's no way that man can hear.

Stay tuned for the photos I have of Tony's walking tour on the day of the wedding, a few shots from the ladies's brunch and the wedding reception. I didn't take too many the day of the wedding--I was unexpectedly emotional, and every time I took a photo of (or in) something that had to do with the wedding, I'd get all worked up.

Also, I'm planning on making online photo albums of ALL of the photos we took while in Guatemala to those who are interested (family and friends). I'll let you know when those albums get made :).